Black Ink and Parchment

You are not the ever-expanding universe. You deserve to have boundaries, but they don’t have to be perfect. When you are finally ready to put these in place after years of letting every comet and star collide with you, it is time for a peaceful evening.

1. Say no.

a small, defiant star

softly glowing, still guiding.

Just not the only one

Lighting up the sky.

Not anymore

Say no, even when you want to say yes. The guilt will be there, but that is part of the healing process. You don’t deserve to be the only one doing it all while others sit around. As you heal, yes will slip out of your mouth, even when no should have. You will feel bad about the limits you never used to have, and other people will try to ‘encourage’ you to go back to the way you used to be. Stay strong.

2. Exist without expanding.

A planet doesn’t have to grow

To make up for negative space.

Allow yourself to take up space, but don’t make up for others who don’t want to even be there. Do what you should, but whatever remains can be picked up by those who can, nothing more or less. You are important just as you are. You don’t have to keep expanding to draw attention to yourself if they don’t notice you. That is their problem. You don’t need to become a supernova to be important.

3. Rest.

Rest while the world

keeps spinning

without you

The world won’t end if you take an afternoon nap, even when there is debris or an eclipse that ‘needs’ to be watched. I can assure you no one else is thinking about what needs to be done when they are “off.” You can’t change the world if you are exhausted, and you don’t have to even do that. You have an inner world that needs to be tended to and loved. The outer world can wait.

4. Stop Apologizing.

Stop saying sorry

for meteor showers

you didn’t summon

Asteroids will land in backyards, and you will feel the urge to make up for them, even when they had nothing to do with you. We saw it coming, trying to warn everyone, and we still feel bad that everything happened. Or if a comet streaks across the sky unannounced, we try to apologize for its showing up, even when it just appeared.

(On a side note, you don’t have to make others feel better about hurting you or failing you by saying you are sorry for bringing up their mistake. Don’t lessen your pain or frustration for them to feel better.)

5. Let it be imperfectly perfect.

You released

a misshapen and burning Comet

into the sky

and it remains

worthy of being seen.

Nothing will ever be perfect. Even if it isn’t up to your standards, will the world still spin? Yes. Will they even know what your vision for it would have been? No. Release it. You deserve to have that time back. Obsession and perfection are two reasons we fight over putting our boundaries in place. We want to be enough, even though we are already the largest and loveliest planet in the solar system.

6. Let others go.

Let others drift,
out of orbit.
Not every lost thing
is yours to rescue.

You don’t have to save the world or all the people in it. If you rush in every time, how will they get better? They will rely on you for things they should do themselves and pile on to your already plentiful workload. Let them go, and they might surprise you. You don’t have to keep them in your orbit. Let them find their own place, even if the spin is slow or a little wobbly.

7. Stop Wasting Energy

You withdraw

your light

from barren planets

Not all planets have life. If you keep wasting your energy on people who won’t grow, you won’t have anything left for yourself or for those who need your light and will actually produce life. Giving and giving and getting nothing back is exhausting, so save your strength for someone else or, better yet, yourself.

8. Leave before you disappear.

Be a quiet supernova

choosing itself

before a collapse

If you feel you are in danger of disappearing, as if everything you are is being put away to keep the world afloat. You should start searching for other places where you are appreciated. Once you have disappeared, they will find someone else to replace you. Then what? Be your own savior.

9. Be uncomfortable.

Recognize the difference

between gravity

and

a black hole.

Life is uncomfortable until it isn’t. Know your worth enough to try something new. You deserve it. If you are used to being taken advantage of, it will feel strange not to be. You will have all this “free” time and feel the need to fill it with ways to help others, but it is already filled with you taking care of yourself.

Start small, then take another step, and before long you realize that the boundary you have been searching for has appeared. Boundaries aren’t limitations for you, but for those who try to steal the quiet glow of your inner constellation.